bruhita

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/download/47416-sigur-rs-heima

i miss the sun–my
true sun–because
the baguio sun is a
coward.

how could you allow
my heart to weep
with the sky?

–Q©

I want to be by myself, sometimes I do.
I don’t want to be left behind, but sometimes I’m left by you.

I press my tongue to the top of my mouth,
’cause my jaw, was tired from the thinking.
I stretched my toes to the end of the couch,
’cause my back, it was aching from sleeping.

So what is this weather, and what is this darkness,
and why do I feel so alone?

When will it snow, it’s been raining for hours,
and why do I feel so alone?
And when I’m left at home, when you’re with someone else I’m
all alone.

You do not cheat me of my childhood.
You bring me blankets for the walls of my forts.
There is no anger with the eyebrow raised.
When you do the fantastic I am amazed.

So what is this weather, and what is this darkness,
and why do I feel so alone?
When will it snow, it’s been raining for hours,
and why do I feel so alone?

You were leaving some bar, and you’re coming downtown,
You’re not ripping out stitches, but you want me around.
Just to call you my love, just to call you my love.

You are the treasure custodian cleaning the moon for me.
Scouring the sky so the stars would shine bright.
You stand straight-faced, and tip-toed on top of a ladder,
and I wait.

And when I’m left at home, I’m all alone,
but I’d rather be alone with you.

So what is this weather, and what is this darkness,
and why do I feel so alone?
When will it snow, it’s been raining for hours,
and why do I feel so alone?
Why do I feel so alone?

Artist: Lisa Loeb

Everybody go
the party’s over
I want to be alone
in my head
in my bed tonight
you never showed
you must really love her
you think I don’t know
but I do
yeah it’s true
I think over is over

I’m right back where I started
When it comes to wanting you
I can’t have what I wanted

But I did
I can
I was
I am
only human
living, dying
just like any fool who ever breathed
If love is blind
if love’s a drug
it always is
it always was

and love was surely made for fools like me

I know where I’m going
I’m tripping
I’m sliding around
that’s okay
at least I’m exited

It wasn’t how I planned it
(least I understand it now)
My feet are where I landed
(my feet landed on the ground)

But I did
I can
I was
I am
only human
living, dying

just like any fool who ever breathed
If love is blind
if loves a drug
it always is
it always was
and love was surely made for fools like me

Fools like me

Maybe it’s the sanest thing
or just the sweetest kind of dream
but love was surely made for fools like me.

Click here to listen to the song.

Angels Would Fall
Artist:Melissa Etheridge

The rope that’s wrapped around me
Is cutting through my skin
And the doubts that have surrounded me
Are finding their way in
I keep it close to me
Like a holy man prays
In my desperate hour
It’s better that way

Angels never came down
There’s no one here they want to hang around
But if they knew
If they knew you at all
Then one by one the angels
Angels would fall

Artist: REM

The photograph reflects,
Every streetlight a reminder.
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night.

“There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one’s own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn’t have to; but if he didn’t want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.”

–Catch-22, Chapter 5, pg. 55

Artist: Beatles

Oh yeah, I’ll tell you something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I’ll say that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

Oh please, say to me
You’ll let me be your man
And please, say to me
You’ll let me hold your hand.
Now let me hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

And when I touch you I feel happy inside.
It’s such a feeling that my love
I can’t hide, I can’t hide, I can’t hide.

Yeah, you’ve got that something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I’ll say that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

And when I touch you I feel happy inside.
It’s such a feeling that my love
I can’t hide, I can’t hide, I can’t hide.

Yeh, you’ve got that something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I’ll feel that something
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand,
I want to hold your hand.

Say hello to my word of the day.
Mochaccino + Shrimp & Squid pasta in Aligue cream = Happiness

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn’t want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn’t fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other’s presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other’s foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible.

How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other’s habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts.

Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other’s company over the long term.

If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can’t accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other. Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life.

We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn’t become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by ourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well.

If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts.

I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word.

There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.

We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion.

All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter. But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love.

Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one.

There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers.

Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepes that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons.

It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation.If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers.

If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom…endlessly.

Sigrid picked me up at the airport and we had breakfast somewhere in Pasay (there was nowhere else since I had to go to Baguio–via that plane on wheels). Thanks, ‘nak. See you again soon.

“Get some sleep,” you say.
But I do not sleep, love;
I nap–oh how
I miss my dreams!
“Do you really miss your dreams?”
Sometimes. But they still come over
every now & then; such
beautiful strangers they are!
“Let me meet them then.”

by Ken